Growing up is hard to do...

A friend and I have been chatting recently about the challenges facing our young people now. Surrounded by information, they struggle to make sense of the never-ending input, to separate the chaff from the wheat, understand the perspectives and biases of that information, and then piece it all together in some way that makes sense.

Apparently, two new life stages have been added to the old four (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and old age). Now we also have "adultescense" and "active retirement".

Sara and Jake are fully immersed in the adultescense phase, or the "odyssey years" -- exploring the world and creating the synapses -- through trial and error -- to begin to make good decisions, decisions which will eventually play out over decades.

Sara had a few chances to exhibit adult decision-making skills lately. In one, she behaved much better than a 50 year old man and his wife. And yesterday, she found herself stranded with a broken car, an uncooperative AAA, and a need to get from southern Oregon to Eugene.

Of course, I'm proud of her. And tickled that she still calls me for advice or help. But mainly, I am at peace. She's safe, and smart, and growing up as a strong, independent young lady.

I am honored to bear witness to her journey.

Ahhh. Friends and family.

I spent a glorious week visiting my sister's family (in celebration of Kate's magnificent graduation from UCLA) and friends I first met when I was very young -- I'm at a very peaceful space where my family are friends and my friends are family. And during the week, my Lakers won the title, led by Phil Jackson. Oddly, even when Riley led the Lakers, I admired Jackson's style (on and off the court). Life is good.

While traveling about, I stopped at a Border's to borrow the internet, and the young girl at the table near me had "This too shall pass" tatooed across her shoulder. Two or so years ago, Jake and Sara and I all came upon this saying independently, and each recognized the power in its simple truth. The story is that King Solomon asked an advisor to find something that would help him remember in times of victory and plenty that hard times would follow, and in times of darkness and despair, that recovery was around the corner. As the deadline approached, the advisor asked a jeweler if such an object existed. The jeweler took a simple gold band and inscribed it with "gam zeh ya'avor" (This too shall pass).

Sara once shared her belief that we had to experience rain and sadness and hurt and pain so that sunshine and rainbows and love would feel that much more beautiful. I like that idea. And Jake often ends emails with the tag line " -- Don't be afraid."

As I learn more about myself and zen and buddhism and life, I am discovering that impermanence and change are the only stable elements. And that stress and pain happen when I fight against the inevitable or am afraid to take a particular action.

Gam zeh ya'avor

When I was twentyone

and we stood before our friends

I wish I'd known then what I know now ~~

Everything ends.

The secret to living

is to feel with all your heart

that every minute lived is joy;

Don't wait to start.

When hope and love are lost

and dreams are tattered lace --

This too shall pass, sped by a child's love

or friend's embrace.

I'm learning to live now

Almost fifty, no disguise.

I quiet my mind, open my heart

Smiles and soul-sighs.

What I know now -- a simple truth:

Don't hold back, don't hesitate

(fears of loss or hopes of better things)

Live now. Don't wait.

Kim

June, 2009