Fear Place?

A recent conversation ended in an assessment I hadn't considered -- I was told that it is nice that I don't go to my "fear place" and take offense at statements. Which has me thinking about the journey I've been on for the last decade of my life.

I think I was exceedingly skilled at stuffing stress down, building walls around the pieces of my life so that I could keep issues and fears at bay, and also so I would never really have to look at those issues and fears.

One catalytic event in May 2006 caused the walls to crack, and I found it increasingly impossible to keep things separate. Like the levies of New Orleans, a little overflow soon eroded the whole system, and I had to either rebuild, or learn to enjoy the floodwaters.

I think that the "fear place" is different than the fear or hesitation or caution I feel when I force myself into uncomfortable situations, either personally or professionally (and which Jacob addresses with "Don't be afraid"). I think maybe the fear place is that little dark spot inside where you are convinced that you are not good, that hinted criticisms or vague critiques get blown into very negative assumptions and hurt feelings. The first is an action, the second a reaction.

I spent a lot of time in my fear place back then. And easily took offense, though not in an assertive, "you can't talk to me like that" kind of way. Rather, I think I took offense at criticisms because I believed all the criticisms to be true.

I have grown up a lot since then. And realize now that I can not change someone else's behavior or attitudes or beliefs. I can only work on presenting an honest view of me. And I can state my boundaries out loud, though I still need to let others decide if they can live with my boundaries. And if they can't, then I have learned to let go of those relationships.

So, do I have a fear place anymore? I suppose I must, but I haven't visited it in so long, I think I've forgotten the path.