Thanksgiving III

My new Tradition, which I invented this year, is to treat Thanksgiving like other favorite Jewish Holidays. Sukkot, Pesach (Passover), Hanukah, Rosh HaShannah all have several key components in common: Family and friends, food, and multiple nights for several celebrations. Passover, a seven-day holiday, is often referred to as Pesach I, Pesach II, Pesach III, etc. It is perfectly legitimate to attend a Passover Seder on one night with a friend, and host your own on another night.

I like that. Spreading the holiday over many nights and across many Venn Diagram Circles of Friends.

Thus, we held Thanksgiving III on Saturday, after joining extended family for Thanksgiving I in Seattle.

I plan to always hold Thanksgiving III on the Saturday following Thanksgiving I at Hopeful Farms. Mark your calendars now. You are all invited.

Kim

giving selfishly

giving selfishly

who looks outward, dreams

who looks inward, awakens
(carl jung)

a simple plaque in a store window
a simple phrase to ponder
reminds me to put aside
my five-year-plans
to examine the past fortynine

and to realize
that I am not alone
and that receiving help
is not weakness
that strength
comes from
helping hands
embracing arms
and open hearts

and to understand
that my children
are no longer children
and that the best gift
I can offer them
is a helping hand
and embracing arms
and an open heart

and to let them know
that those gifts
from me to them
are inviolate
and irrevocable

and to remind them that
they are not alone
that receiving help
is not weakness
and sharing themselves
their real selves
(without the happydance)
with someone
is the most selfish
most wonderful
human experience
to gift another

and to gift themselves

So I’ve been thinking...

So I've been thinking...

Clara used to say that, which always elicited an “oh oh” look from Fred. But, whether or not my thoughts cause that Oh Oh feeling in others, they sometimes do in me.

Sometimes I avoid meditation and over-fill my time so I can ignore issues I should address. A good friend of mine seems to sense when I haven’t been reflecting or asking myself hard questions, and somehow always has the perfect book to force introspection. And then he follows up with the questions I have been avoiding.

The latest Rx in the Bibliotherapy, which I just returned, was “Destructive Emotions” – the record of a week-long conversation between the Dalai Lama and leading scientists around convergence in understanding the neurology and spirituality of emotions, and the idea that even “good” emotions can be overwhelming, and become destructive.

So, I’ve been thinking. About love. About pride and expectations. About random pieces of old conversations with Jake and Sara. And the stereotype of the overbearing Jewish mother. And I wonder if Jake or Sara feel that my pride in them is dependent on a certain GPA, a particular career, some pre-defined life path.

I hope not. I’ll be sure to tell them that I am proud of who they are, not what they do. Because I can see the potential to develop a contorted happy-face dance. That would be very sad. That would be Pride turned Destructive.

Made me think….

There's a poem bubbling on this, but I need to find some time to meditate...

A perfect Autumn day...

Looking west along the dog-run, my North Woods are on the right, filled with deer and turkeys. And we saw a small black bear in the neighborhood a few months ago.

Life is good.

Words to live by...

I've been in Anchorage the past three days, co-leading a training to 60+ educators. Good people, interesting work. As I was packing for the trip, Jake called. Now and then, Jake will call late at night, and we'll have a classic sherman conversation -- wide-ranging and full of tangents that all seem to link back to some central theme. or two or three.

Jake is a researcher of human motivations -- Sara has said that he is like an alien sent to research Humans. Jake is very skilled in analyzing motivations and avoidances in others, and has developed an amazing list of Axioms to describe his discoveries (which seem to be corollaries of his tag line "--Don't be afraid.")

One of his Axioms is "Nothing changes for no reason." I think that is true. Sometimes, a change will be beyond one's control; what is within one's control is how one responds to that change. But I suspect that most of the changes in my life were influenced by my own actions (and sometimes by my inactions). And I do tend to have an always current, often updated, 5 year plan.

Jake and I have also been talking about careers. My advice to him has been to think in terms of doing something that is interesting to him for 2 to 5 years, and then look around for something more interesting. Could be in the same field, or a sharp left turn.

Sort of like my own career. I didn't start out 25 years ago with an ambitious goal to be a university professor and an expert in assessing students with severe cognitive delays. I kept chasing interesting opportunities: working with children from abuse, teaching, systems change, teacher coaching, state consulting, state level work, teacher preparation teaching, district level administration, and finally here. I paused for 2 to 5 years at each waystation; although all are in education, each step and project and job was a little fork in the road.

Jake is writing again (one of his paths), and is making plans to live in China for awhile, teaching English and learning Mandarin. And, I suspect, studying the humans there...

Two more of Jake's axioms that feel true to me:

"Do something that scares you."

and "The means don't justify the ends."

"Don't be afraid" is sort of his anchoring philosophy; I have witnessed Jake's bravery and never cease to be impressed with him. And though I am not yet without fear, I have been learning to move ahead anyway.

Good enough for now, for me...

Moving on

Sara and I switched our cell phone service on Friday, from ATT to Verizon (but our cell numbers are the same as before).

We used to be on Verizon, until Dave got the iPhone a year before our divorce. ATT is an inferior service provider, but because he switched, I was stuck with ATT until this past August, when the two-year contract finally ended. ATT has zero service at my house. Verizon has full service.

So we switched. And upgraded our phones. Sara has the Envy, a touch-screen beauty with a flip top and good sized keyboard, and beautiful resolution. I upgraded to the Blackberry, a smart-phone which receives email and internet. It's not the iPhone, but a very good second. And President Obama has a Blackberry. There are rumors that Verizon may sign a deal with Apple to carry the iPhone, so I can wait.

It is a small thing, choosing my own cell service and getting cool phones, but it is one more step away from my past. And now, when I am chain-sawing, I can call 9-1-1 from any corner of my property.

Moving On

Each step

each decision

each change in my life

takes me further away

from who I was.

Further from anger

and resentment

and blame.

Toward a deeper understanding

of my purpose and my path

of my values and my self.

Kim

October 27, 2009

The best things in life are free...

James Taylor sings a song called "That's why I'm here" about purpose and connection and helping -- I've been thinking lately about why I am here. And about cost versus value.

My priorities seem the same now as 20+ years ago: Jake and Sara, extended family, friends. And though I really enjoy the work I do for the UO and for Alaska, work is a means to an end. I am lucky enough to be fully employed, to earn good money, to live in a beautiful place and to have the critters I adore. But work is not why I'm here.

Though I earn enough to pay my bills (usually) and do some fun things with Jake and Sara now and then, I'm scaling back on the extra stuff. Each time I have a choice between a pretty new dress or a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant or time with Jake or Sara or friends, I consider my priorities. Jake and Sara always win that consideration, and friends are a very close second.

But I am discovering ways to do really fun things for free -- Sara and I listened to the Bonnie Raitt concert at the Cuthbert in early September. Just behind the ampitheater's fence is a very large grassy field. We took the Wolfhounds and one of the Jacks and sat under the stars enjoying the music. With about a hundred like-minded folks. And I was able to watch the Ducks walk all over the Bears at Autzen stadium, again for free. I helped Michelle as a volunteer food server in the Clubhouse; the hours I worked were credited to Michelle's son for soccer travel.

And the money I save helps Jake and Sara.

And that's why I'm here.

A Cabin in the Woods

laughter in the breeze

sunshine caught in golden leaves

redtailed squirrel's joy